Chorus:
Eat Bertha's Mussels, they're the best there is by far
You can eat them in the dining room, you can eat them in the bar
So when you're ashore in Baltimore and you fancy a bite to eat
Just follow your nose to Bertha's, you'll be in for a rare old treat.

All:
Now a sailor came to Bertha's with a problem most severe
His manly pride had been atrophied from a voyage of forty years
A couple of plates of mussels, now he sings in a different key
His jib boom's set right, he'll be in there tonight and he'll never go back to sea

Chorus:

All:
Now a lady came to Bertha's, who wanted a daughter or a son
The doctors had said with a shake of the head that she couldn't have either one
So she ate a plate of mussels and went home to her husband dear
She tuned up his cryth, and I'll tell you the truth, she had triplets the very same year.

Chorus:

All:
They will cure your diarrhea, cure your constipation, too.
Just swallow a box for the chicken pox, the measles or the flu.
Now, if you fancy a healthy life, get your daily doses straight
A plate a day of Bertha's mussels, and you'll live 'til you're 98.